Fail, All the Sphincters Salient!, or However It Goes

Sports/Gerry's Corner: YESSSSSS!!!!!! Yeah! Woohoo!

Ask me why I'm so excited!!!!! Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!! You bet!!!!

Go ahead! Ask me!

Is it because of the upcoming dedication of the building named after someone else for the school that's named after me?!?!

No, sadly. I'll phone that in.

Back to my excitement! I'm so revved up! Really jived!

Last weekend, I went to Notre Dame, and I hocked a loogey on Touchdown Jesus. That's right, I did it. I'm not ashamed.



I spit on Jesus. No, not on real Jesus. Touchdown Jesus. (You all should know that I would never spit on an actual person or actual Jesus, were I to run into him.) Irrationally, Touchdown Jesus is painted on the Notre Dame library, and his arms are raised, as though signalling a touchdown. And I spit on him.

Now, Touchdown Jesus is high up on the wall of this library; fortunately, I have a blow dart gun thing for loogies. It worked spectacularly.

And by worked, it means that I made Notre Dame lose this week. Yeah, my spit-curses worked pretty immediately back in the '70s, I'd say right through 1993 or '94, but now it takes longer for the spit-curse to take effect. So, sorry Penn State - my loogey only helped the MICHIGAN FREAKING WOLVERINES!!!! Woot woot!

Yeah, it's days like this when I'm glad to have graduated from a school that wins and when I'm glad I don't live anywhere near the undergrad ghetto. Man, it must have been c-r-a-z-y down there this afternoon. Honking, drinking, screaming, rioting... Victory tends to bring out, if not the worst in people, at least the loudest. Sort of like when Jimmy Carter beat me in 1980, and his campaign burned down all these homes in celebration (hence the origins of Habitat for Humanity).

Good times, these.

There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe,
Gerry