Not-Rotten Weekend

Gerry's Corner: Sorry, folks, for not posting this weekend. I had a surprise come into town. Yup, my girlfriend on the side! Now, no one can let Not-Betty know about her, because she's waaaaay better looking than Not-Betty. In fact, Not-Betty came up to me on Friday, mostly just to tell me she was going to be working really late at the clinic all weekend (which I know is code for the fact that she'll be macking on her man-whore from the School of Social Work). Anyway, she looked just like I remembered her looking for these last few unfortunate years: hair greased back, bloodshot eyes from being around all the pot-smokers in rehab, wearing a pair of Uggs (you know, those boots that shouldn't be worn by anyone anywhere for any reason).

"God, Not-Betty," I said disparagingly. "How old are you?"

"Eighty-seven," she lied. I can see right through her.

"You're eighty-eight, my dear," I said.

"No, I'm not. I'm the same age as you."

"Are you kidding? I'm five years your elder, sweetie."

"Really?" said Not-Betty. "I could have sworn you were my age."

I didn't think much of it until after she'd left, but then it hit me: my God, do I really look that young? Is that why I wasn't re-elected, people couldn't get past my youth? I mean, is this why I have to have a mistress - Not-Betty doesn't think I live up to my billing as an 'older man'? How long has she felt this way about me?

Front Page: Freaking Jeffrey won on Project Runway?! The guy with a tattoo on his neck? I tried to abolish visible tattoos during my administration - guess I lost that guy's vote. But honestly - (a) that must absolutely kill your Adam's apple, and (b) it looks heinous. If I got a tattoo of anything, it would probably be a huge picture of a bottle of alcohol on my chest, so that then, Not-Betty might be able to resist me when I take my shirt off.

I was rooting for Uli, mostly because she was far better than everyone else, but also because she's cute and German, and I find that to be a rare combination.

Anyway, off to bed. I'll write more soon.

There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe,
Gerry