Catastrophe

Front Page: I thought I wanted it to happen. Turns out I didn't. As the sun rose, cascaded from horizon to horizon, sank in the west, and evening became night, the news got worse and worse. When Not-Betty came home in the evening after the clinic, I held her close and tight for the first time in a long time.

How could it have happened? How could we have all sat at home and let it happen? I know lots of people - myself included - who took the following attitude: they deserve to lose, so I'm going to do nothing to support them. But now I'm full of regret, as I'm sure millions of Americans are who woke up this morning to a different world.

The problem starts with control of the house. Now, I know most people would say that the kids ought to come first, but I say the digs are just as crucial. If he can't live there, where will K-Fed go? Britney's already tasted success and she's got several residences. In fact, with the two young children, maybe moving into her mom's Louisiana estate wouldn't be such a bad thing. Plus, K-Fed needs to remain in the Los Angeles area so that he can continue to jumpstart his career. Britney can be white trash anywhere.

No - I shouldn't bad-mouth like this. I'm not on anyone's side - I wanted them to stay together. No matter our background or creed, we all wanted to be uniters and not dividers yesterday.

Of course, there are the offspring to consider. Young Sean Preston and even younger Jayden James - there's so much potential in them to do great things, given their talented parents. The hopes of the nation rest on their tiny shoulders - and now divorce has cruelly dealt them a tough hand. No wonder American schools are failing - it's because our kids are losers, since the ones with the most promise inevitably come from broken homes.

Finally, there is our romantic, collective idea of love. I think we all saw the spark between these two lovely people - well, anyone who watched Chaotic, anyway. If they can't stay together, what hope do the rest of us have? When Not-Betty left for work today, while I cried into my bowl of Wheaties, I wondered whether she was going to the rehab clinic or to divorce court so that she could serve me papers upon her return to our house tonight. No one is safe now. This is exactly the outcome that the terrorists wanted.



Why, Britney? Why, K-Fed? I will always remember the first Tuesday of the second week in November as the day our country lost its innocence. I blame gay marriage.

There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe,
Gerry