What? What'd I Do?

Gerry's Corner: I got some stuff thrown at my windows yesterday. I feel sad and perplexed about it. Someone had smeared the windows in honey, and then tossed apple wedges at them. Next came a barrage of unleavened bread, and then an angry mob lobbed gefilte fish and matzo balls. The crowd chanted some imaginatively hurtful things, too, like:

"Gerald, you man-whore!"
"Ford? More like Yugo!"
"Ger-ald Yu-go!"
"Yeah, you go, Gerald! You go away!"
"You're so effing bald!"

Why would they say such terrible things about me? Not-Betty kept her earplugs in all day, trying to look unfazed, but definitely pretty shaken about the whole episode. I mean, all I did was mow a swastika into the front lawn. It's not like I burned a cross in anyone else's yard - I'd never do that. And besides, the swastika used to be an Indian peace symbol (the wah-wah-wah Indians) - it's unfair that just because the Nazis co-opted it as theirs; now no one can use it for any other purpose? I think it looks kind of pretty - there's a certain symmetry to it, and it's not like it even takes up the whole lawn.

Apparently, the neighbors disagreed.

I should say here that the part of Rancho Mirage where we live is also known as the Warsaw Ghetto because of its preponderance of Holocaust survivors. And there was a parade in their honor whose route went down our street yesterday. But I don't see why mowing my lawn should have caused such an outrage. I mean, the grass needed to be cut. And all I get in exchange is a thousand pounds of grief. It's just a chore, people - let's get over ourselves, mmkay?

There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe,
Gerry