I Am Saying That I Am Picasso

New Entry!: There's a second entry in the First Annual Fun Contest I started last month. It's from "Israeli Limor," and while I'm not wrestling velociraptors in this one, I am dressed in fancy clothes and am well armed.



Keep your visual art coming! The contest ends in exactly three weeks!

Gerry's Corner: Anyway, sorry to have taken my sweet time in between entries again. This time, though, there was a good excuse: someone walked off with the power cord for my computer. I left it in an outlet at the Starbucks where I was starting to work on my novel. Then, I left, realized I didn't have it, went back and it was gone.

All right, you know what? That isn't 100% accurate. And you know what else? I don't care. It's my blog, and I'm allowed to fictionalize it. I exaggerate a lot of things, okay? A lot. Like, the story I just started with - totally made up! I didn't include the fact that I was also drinking coffee at the Starbucks. That's right, I wasn't just working on my novel. See? This blog is totally different from my real life.

Isn't that funny?

Remember, this blog isn't about Gerald R. Ford. If you want to read about him, go read the Wikipedia entry about me. I mean him. Not me. Because I'm writing about "Gerry," who has nothing in common with Gerald R. Ford, the person you may think you're reading about. He more closely resembles "Awesome Dude," the fictional character that I made up a few months back. Or, rather, that Gerry made up. (Dang - this is hard.) Let's do a tale of the tape, shall we?

Number of sit-ups Gerald R. Ford can do in a minute: 212
Number of sit-ups Gerry can do in a minute: 209

Gerald R. Ford's favorite color of paint: maize
Gerry's favorite color of paint: goldenrod

What Gerald R. Ford likes to have for breakfast each morning: a bagel with cream cheese
What Gerry likes to have for breakfast each morning: a bagel with low-fat cream cheese

Who Gerald R. Ford thinks should be playing Ohio State in the BCS title game on January 8th: Michigan
Who Gerry thinks should be playing Ohio State in the BCS title game on January 8th: Michigan

Which suitor Gerald R. Ford thinks Liz should choose in For Better or For Worse:
Which suitor Gerry thinks Liz should choose in For Better or For Worse:

Seeeeee?! We're nothing like each other!

I just don't understand where everyone is getting the impression that I'm talking about me. Or - I mean, Gerald R. Ford. It's me! Gerry! If you think you know who Gerald R. Ford is through this blog, think again. And again. And keep doing it until your brain hurts, and you still won't know who Gerald R. Ford is, because Gerry doesn't write about stuff that goes on in Gerald R. Ford's life. Face facts, people.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got plans for the rest of this evening. They include:

• watching the radio
• reading a book called Olysses
• talking on the molecule phone
• not sneaking copious amounts of absinthe

And, of course, you should realize that I might not be doing any of these things. Maybe I said all those things just to throw you off the trail. Or maybe I will complete the above itinerary. You never can tell. Remember: Gerry doesn't exist in reality. He's art.

Okay, his name isn't Art. He's like a painting or an actress or something.



There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe,
Gerry