Awesome Dude's Tale

Once upon a time, Awesome Dude decided to write a post about himself in the third person, and here he goes.

Awesome Dude wonders if you knew that his name was not originally Awesome Dude. In fact, he was born Leslie Lynch King, Jr., after his biological father. It's odd for Awesome Dude to imagine how this name change affected his whole life. Like, would a Leslie have ever been elected president? Would his middle name have had pretty awkward connotations growing up as the nation grew out of its racist past? Come to think of it, could a King ever have become president? President King; it rolls off the tongue about as well as Vice-President Archduke or Congressman Baroness. Awesome Dude recommends that, when you're having children, don't name them after positions in other, archaic governmental structures. Though Awesome Dude guesses that you might not have much control over the last name. Well, whatever. Awesome Dude managed to have his name changed to what it is currently [note: it's not Awesome Dude; this is just an alias to preserve Awesome Dude's anonymity], and he certainly hasn't looked back.

Except every once in a while, Awesome Dude checks himself in the mirror. He wonders whether it was incredible luck and good fortune that got him to where he is today (no, not just standing in front of a mirror - you know what Awesome Dude means) or if there was lots of skill involved. Before he played football for Michigan, he remembers himself being a little less broad in the shoulders, and a little less sure of himself. Before he was chosen to be Vice-President & President, he spent years getting flogged by his senior chums in Congress, and just asking for more, sir, until he became respected as a member of the tribe (of Congress, not the Jews - God forbid, am I right, George Allen?). So there was definitely some structure that prepared him always for the next step, not much of which was intentional or planned, but not much of which was exactly pure luck, either.

Come to think of it, though, since Awesome Dude is the only guy he knows who was not elected to be either VP or, well, P, maybe King is a name that suits him more appropriately than he initially realized. And maybe he's living a fictional life through the eyes of someone who's actually named Leslie Lynch King, Jr. After all, once you're named something, when do you stop going by that name, you know? Awesome Dude knows - he was still a toddler when his name was changed, but these things don't just turn automatically overnight, and now that he looks back on it and reflects, Awesome Dude thinks there's some deeper stuff to get into about all this. Stay with Awesome Dude here: if Awesome Dude is blogging about 'himself,' but he's really not Awesome Dude, but instead Leslie Lynch King, Jr., then isn't most of what he writes just a strange, elaborate fiction? Awesome Dude is writing about things that happened, sure, but he sure sees things through rose-colored glasses, doesn't he? Case in point: He spits on Touchdown Jesus and his alma mater defeats Notre Dame the following week. He romanticizes the situation, and ornaments the truth a bit, just for his own sake.

Maybe it's all because Awesome Dude is a little fearful that his biological father will come out of the woodwork someday (though he'd be mighty old by now) and tell him that he feels like Awesome Dude is misrepresenting events, that his success in life was not due to his name change at all, really. Maybe it was due to the biological father's incredible and powerful genes, for instance. His rough-hewn hands will grasp Awesome Dude's shoulder, and they will share a good cry over the times they lost that they'll never have back. After all, Awesome Dude would really like to have those international-house-coffee moments with his ol' Pop.

And maybe hoping is just the sort of thing that this world could use a little more of right now.

There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe,
Gerry

ps. This one 'For Better or For Worse' strip seemed particularly pertinent this weekend. Maybe you'll find it relevant, too.