Time to Make the Do-Nots

Gerry's Corner: No, I didn't spell 'donuts' incorrectly. Well, okay, I did, but I wasn't trying to spell 'donuts.' I was introducing a new term into our English language: the Do-Nots. It's a list of things that I should not do, updated from time to time when I feel the guilty urge strike me. This idea interested me, too, because I have a Life's Little Instruction Book desk calendar that one of Not-Betty's addicts stole out of a bathroom when he hit rock bottom. She brought it home to me and we figured why not put it to some use? So now I get daily positive suggestions and I can balance those by giving myself daily restrictions. That seems fair. Plus, when I do this and blog about it, I'll offer some suggestions for how I'm going to achieve these pretty arbitrary goals. Ready? Let's do this!

Life's Little Instruction Calendar Tip of the Day: Dream big. Plan big. Talk big. Put some drama in your life.
How to Accomplish This: Whew! That's a lot of stuff to do at once. Well, I just woke up, so dreaming big is out for a few hours, and I suspect that my daily afternoon catnap won't give me the opportunity to dream as big as the desk calendar wants me to. So tonight, I'll try and dream of things like Montana and Ronald McDonald's wacky shoes and the ocean and the world's largest ball of twine. As for planning big, I'll have Not-Betty or one of the kids bring me home an easel or a roller of large paper, so I can write everything I want to do in huge letters. I'm sure I can talk a bit bigger now - I just called the doctor about that and he said I can go ahead and yell, since I'm far enough removed from my angioplasty now. And I guess shouting at people more will automatically put some drama in my life. Great!



Today's Do-Not: Do not get behind on all the presidential reading you have to do.
How to Accomplish This: I should say here that when I write in the second person, I'm still talking to myself. I don't assume that my readers are lazy, anonymous miscreants. Now, it's a fact that I've gotten behind on my presidential reading, mostly because it's so dry and I'd much rather be listening to the new JT album and watching reality television. But apparently, neither of those pursuits is as presidential-sounding as reading thick, academic texts, so I've got to keep up with the Joneses (who aren't real people - I've been told that that's a saying). Every once in a while, reporters will call to ask me questions, testing my mental state and whether I've still got the ol' steel-trap mind. For the last few calls, I've really been caught unprepared and had to flub my way through. No more of that! From now on, it's gonna be up at seven (or earlier) to read for four or five hours, then lunch, then back to reading for three or four hours until I retire to the putting green for a little exercise, followed by a catnap, then the real push: eight more hours of reading, then dinner, then some television, then one or two more hours of reading in there, then my usual nine hours of sleep a night, and then wake up and start it all over again. See, you've just got to have a routine that gets you through the day.

Playlist: I unearthed the iPod mini that my children pooled their money to get me a couple Kwanzaas ago, and I figured I'd spend some time assembling a playlist so I could listen to it, once I teach my fingers to manipulate the confounded contraption. Here's what I've got so far:

1. Thick as a Brick - Jethro Tull
2. The Fall of the World's Own Optimist - Aimee Mann
3. Knocks Me Off My Feet - Stevie Wonder
4. I Can't Dance - Genesis
5. Bruised - The Bens
6. Tahquamenon Falls - Sufjan Stevens
7. I'm Still Standing - Elton John
8. Nothing Brings Me Down - Emiliana Torrini
9. Falling Through the Roof - Horsefeathers
10. Niagara Falls - Sufjan Stevens
11. Bigger Than My Body - John Mayer
12. Hurt - Johnny Cash
13. Losing My Way - Justin Timberlake (gotta have my JT)
14. All Falls Down - Kanye West & Syleena Johnson
15. No Place to Fall - The Little Willies
16. Tripping - Robbie Williams
17. Can't Help Falling (In Love) - UB40
18. Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon

Let me know if there's other songs I should include! I'm especially looking for songs that are good.

There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe,
Gerry